Richelle Hofer

On January 31, 2002 I became a mom. It was the happiest and scariest day of my life. Labor pains started at about 4 o’clock in the morning and twelve hours later I was holding my beautiful baby boy. I will never forget the first night at the hospital. I fell asleep holding him in my bed. I woke up with a start at about 5 a.m. and looked down… he was still there, still breathing, sleeping away. I remember thinking “oh geez… This is for real for real. He’s here. Forever.”

Everyday for the next 19 years, like nearly every mom does, I lived for my family. When I had a minute “to myself” I was thinking ahead, planning, organizing, and keeping everything running smoothly. What did I do for fun? I planned fun things for my family. I got all of my enjoyment out of trying to make a good life for them.

And then in 2021 my oldest son moved into his own apartment and my youngest son got a drivers license and a car. I remember sitting in my living room and for the very first time in quite literally 19 years I was thinking “I have nothing I need to do! I can do whatever I want!!”

IT FELT GREAT!!!

For about 15 minutes… then the thought hit me: I have NO idea what I like to do! What followed for me was a tough mental adjustment period.

In a way I felt that I had lost myself… like I had given everything I was to my kids and my job and ignored ME. Now that I was being reunited with myself, it felt as though I was looking at a stranger I knew nothing about.

I sat on the couch and googled “things that make me happy”. That’s weird, I know, but I was desperate. And believe it or not, google came through for me. I read some blogs, some inspirational quotes and I came across this book.

I ordered the book and a few days later it was on my doorstep. I opened it up and found the first list: “What makes you happy right now?” Wait, that’s why I ordered the book. I thought it was going to TELL me, not ASK me. Obviously I don’t know what makes me happy or I wouldn’t have bought the book! Ay yai yai!!!

But I was determined. I had to think hard and it took me days, weeks, and honestly months but I wrote the list.

I started by noting everything that made me smile – even a little… spending time with my niece, a glass of wine and Norah Jones, reading a great novel, talking with my son. And I kept adding things… like getting a massage, diffusing essential oils, journaling, devotions, wearing comfortable shoes… for the first time in a long time I was paying attention to myself and it felt good.

What I discovered is that happiness really comes in small moments by small decisions. And for me it’s easy to get busy and stop doing “happy”. That seems messed up, but it’s true! It’s probably why I lost touch with myself in the first place.

Let’s face it. Whether it’s a child growing up and moving out, a divorce, a job change, or whatever, transitions are hard. Often I would find myself in a funk – slipping back into a negative thought pattern, feeling overwhelmed, tired and generally unhappy.

Every time this happened I would pull out my happiness list and take note. Most of the time it had been a long time since I had done anything on my happy list. So to get back on the happy train I would make a deliberate plan to do some of the things on my list.

I was referring to it so often that I decided to turn it into a weekly checklist. Every week I try to make sure I’m doing some (or most) of the things on my happy list. It helps keep me balanced and focused on the positive things in my life regardless of what’s happening around me.

My happy list has become one of the most important tools in my life toolbox. If you’re going through a tough time, a transition period, or if you’re just feeling a little down in the dumps, I cannot recommend a happy list to you enough. Remember, it may take a day or two of you staring at a blank list thinking “I have no idea” but stick with it and I promise you will eventually start to find the things that bring you happiness.

Here’s my full list (so far)!

Reading for 30 minutes (or 12 hours)

Devotions

15 minute walk

Diffusing essential oils

Journaling

Time with my niece

Time with my brother

Time with my sisters

Time with my mom

Time with my kids

Date night with my husband

Wearing comfortable shoes

An episode of Friends

Sushi

Massages

Pedicures

A glass of wine with my Norah Jones Pandora Station

Happy dance to music!!! (you should try this… it will turn any day around. I built a big playlist for dancing. Message me and I’ll share it with you ;))

**side note: the other thing that was really great about this exercise is that it helped me realize that some of my “go to” activities do NOT make me happy – they’re “numbing” activities instead of happy activities (does watching TV really make you “happy”? How about social media? Those things don’t really bring me happiness, they just numb away the day!). That was really eye-opening.

Happy list making!!