Richelle Hofer

For our anniversary this year my husband and I took off on a little roadtrip. We put on nearly 2000 miles before we arrived back home. We saw lots of awesome things (check out my travel blogs for details). We listened to some incredible podcasts. And we had lots of great conversation that ranged from hilarious “would you rather” questions to deeper reflections on our life.

“If you could travel back in time, what would you tell your 20 year old self?” Wow, what a deep question. It’s hard to come up with answers like this on the spot, but I had actually written a little about this in a memoir I wrote for my family so I knew what I would say.

I would remind myself of what a dear lady named Sherry wrote in my high school graduation card.

At twenty years old I was climbing the corporate ladder. I had put college on hold and I was making big bucks (for a 20 year old kid in 1999) as a manager at Gateway, a computer company. I was getting all kinds of attention from top leadership, traveling to different sites throughout the enterprise, and feeling generally on top of the world. My only plan was: keep doing what you’re doing, because it’s working.

Except it all changed pretty drastically pretty quickly. I got pregnant with my oldest son Mason and Gateway, the giant company that felt unshakable, started to topple over. At twenty-two I’d lost my dream job, hadn’t finished college and I had a new baby. 

Truth be told, I wouldn’t change a second of my life, because it’s brought me to where I am. But it wasn’t always an easy road and I got lucky a lot of times. Everything I learned I needed to figure out the hard way. 

But if I could transport back in time and whisper in my 20 year old ear, I would remind myself of the best advice I’ve ever received.

Written in a graduation card “There are no mistakes in life, only lessons”. I might rewrite it a little to say: “The only mistake in life is not learning a lesson”.

That’s what separates the happy from the unhappy, the winners from the losers. You’re going to have regrets. You’re going to make mistakes. You can lay on the ground and wallow in your problems, let people walk on you and walk over you. Or you can stand up. Look around. Assess the situation. Learn your lesson and keep moving! Don’t get stuck… that’s the only mistake that will do you in.

Always have a backup plan.

Big companies fail.

The good times never last and neither do the hard times.

Don’t put all of your money in a single stock.

Learn how to deal with unpleasant emotions so that you have the guts to apply yourself on a grander scale.

Communication is the most vital skill.

Lean in to tough conversations.

Read books.

Sometimes in order to find yourself you have to really lose yourself.

And no matter what, outwork your competitor. 

Last, and most important, we were created for connection – connection with others, connection with God and connection with ourselves. It’s like a three legged stool and when we’re lacking connection in one of those three categories, everything feels off. If you’re ever feeling off, pause and reflect on those areas of your life and you will always find the problem.

What advice would YOU give to your 20 year old self?