Richelle Hofer

I LOVE Brené Brown.  

I don’t remember exactly when or how I discovered her work but I listen to everything I can get my hands on and read everything Brené writes.  I’ve spent hours on her website (www.brenebrown.com), taken her online quizzes, you name it, if it has Brené Brown’s name on it, I’m all in.  

Her book Dare to Lead is one of maybe 5 books that have had a significant impact on my life. I don’t mean I read it and I thought “wow that’s a good book, I should implement some of these things” I mean, without this book, I would actually be a different person.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; … who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…”

Theodore Roosevelt

In Dare to Lead, Brené talks about “the arena” of life.  

This analogy hit so hard for me.  The essence is this:  It takes courage to enter the arena. If you are brave, you will stare down the self doubt and fear that try to prevent you from entering.  Instead of armoring up with a bunch of the heavy bulky armor, you will essentially strip naked. Be courageous and walk out vulnerable. Walk out as your unarmored self.

The idea of being an unarmored version of myself was a game changer for me. I really spent a lot of time thinking about and identifying ways that I accidentally put on clunky armor before entering the arena. But THEN she started talking about the seats in the arena.

CHEAP SEATS: You will always have people in the “cheap seats”. They are the ones who show up just to watch. They are fickle. One minute they are your fans and the next minute they are hurling insults. We HAVE to ignore the voices from the cheap seats.

SQUARE SQUAD: So whose voice should we listen to? The Square Squad. Brené says that we need to decide who in our lives truly love us, not in spite of our imperfections, but because of them. Who are the people who will get real with us? The people who will be there when we are face down in the arena of life. Those who won’t speak to us in platitudes. Who won’t lie and say we did good when we did not. Instead they will say “Yah, that was bad. It looked painful. Let’s get you fixed up and get you back out there to try again.”

The reason it’s called a Square Squad is because the names of the people who truly fit this criteria will fit on a 1 inch by 1 inch piece of paper. You only have 3 or 4 (maybe five if you write really small :)) people on your Square Squad. THOSE are the voices you listen to when you’re in the arena.

The concepts of Cheap Seats and Square Squad really changed the way that I approach life. It helped me clarify whose opinions mattered and what voices I needed to ignore. It gave me more courage to live vulnerably. I am confident that these principles will change your life too! Buy the book or do a YouTube search for more on Brené!

So I thought I had it all wrapped up in a perfect package. You have Cheap Seats and you have Square Squad. Cheap Seat people come and go, Square Squad people always stay. You can always count on them. You can survive anything with the help of your Square Squad. But nothing in life is a perfect package.

What happens when your Square Squad leaves you?

Saying goodbye to someone on your Square Squad is one of the biggest beatings you will ever take.

The reality is that this is life. It’s dirty and messy and imperfect in every way. Sometimes people on our Square Squad walk away from us. Sometimes they die. And the cruel irony is that no matter how they leave, saying goodbye to someone on your Square Squad is one of the biggest beatings you will ever take. It will leave you facedown in the arena. You’ll be spitting out blood and struggling to stay conscious. You will crawl to your corner… where you’ve always gone for their support… and instead you find their seat empty.

This is one of life’s most painful battles and you may feel like you literally will not survive.

You might be tempted to just quit the fight – to run from the arena and hide. You might want to armor up with anger to protect your vulnerable self. You might be tempted to pick someone from the cheap seats as a Square Squad replacement. But none of these things are good options.

What is the right answer in this desperate moment? How can you survive this life change? In my blog “Shifting Expectations” I wrote about how important it is to keep your expectation in God alone… the only one who never leaves and never lets us down. He’s still there even when the arena is completely empty… when everyone has gone and the only sounds are your cries echoing off the walls.

Psalm 27:10 says “though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” Even when the Square Squad is gone, God’s there. Isaiah 41:10 promises that God will strengthen us and help us and hold us up (don’t you love that imagery?) with his right hand… when we can barely even stand, He strengthens us, He helps us, and He holds us up. Now THAT is what I need in a Square Squad!

Life is hard. It is ever changing. Just when you think you have it figured out, you don’t. People we love and hope are invincible die. People, even really good people that you love will leave you. It’s good to know that even though you will fail and people will fail you, God never fails.

You are never truly without a Square Squad. God is in your corner. Stay in the arena.